Blog: THEORY TIME - Jingle All The Way

Since 'tis the season to be Jolly, I figured a Christmas themed blog post was in order.

The other day, I suffered through the Arnold Schwarzenegger starring festival turd that was Jingle All The Way.

Halfway through the film, a theory came to my mind.

In the film, we meet Myron, a maniac postman who is played by the (alleged) comedian Sinbad, who incurs the wrath of Arnie by fighting with him to get the Turboman action figure for his kid.

However, while he says the action figure is for his kid, I think that he really wants the doll for himself.

He mentioned before how he never forgave his father for not getting him the Johnny Quest toy he wanted for Christmas when he was a boy. I think that when every parent started clamouring to get the Turbo Man action figure, this awoke something within Myron and gave him the idea that getting one would be a way of making up for the childhood that he believes to have lost by never receiving that Johnny Quest toy.

"Of course my kid exists. He's right over there"
"That's a fire hydrant" "Who are you to tell me what my kid is?"

Now I know what you're thinking, What kind of arse-burger would use his kid to justify stealing a toy for himself? Well we do already have some idea that he's mad, considering he mentally scarred a kid by chasing him onto a roof and have him nearly fall to his death. Not only that, but he also created a bomb scare and even knocked out and tied up an actor to steal his costume.

For all we know, he probably doesn't even have a kid. It's not like you see him, be it in the flesh or in a photograph. Do we even get a mention of the kids name?

It's not like he'd be able to give the Turbo-Man doll to his son anyway, since I seriously doubt the charges against him being dropped. Would you drop the attempted murder charges on the guy who nearly killed your kid? I thought not.

So much for that genetically engineered Hollywood happy ending.