10 Worst Films of 2013

2014 is almost upon us, so to mark the occasion, here is my list on what were the 10 worst films I had the misfortune of watching this year.

Three men wearing suits and sunglasses, one carrying a sledgehammer over his shoulder10. The Hangover Part III

Back in 2009, Todd Phillips took the world by storm with his Las Vegas set comedy, The Hangover, which came out of nowhere and became a massive success, critically and financially. 4 years and 2 sequels later, it's clear they should have left it at one film. The final installment gets credit for breaking away from the repetitive formula which enslaved the first sequel, but not for replacing any laughs and comedy with dark, ugly moments full of action and death. Plus, the decision to focus upon the two most annoying characters while the ever likable Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms are sidelined is proof that this is a franchise that should be left dead in a shallow grave.

Runner Runner film poster.jpg9. Runner Runner

Released just after the controversial Batfleck casting (my thoughts here), this film had a lot to prove with Ben Afflecks acting ability. His riffing on cartoon villainy did no favours, but things weren't helped by the excessive swearing, piss poor writing or weak character development. A hollow 90 minutes filled with boredom that you most likely will forget.

8. The ABCs of Death

It sounded intriguing from the premise alone, 26 segments from 26 different directors, but despite the (very!) few good segments, the awful ones outweighed the good, pushing the boundaries of taste to give us little more than vulgarity, poorly concealed as horror and comedy.
Identity Thief Poster.jpg
7. Identity Thief

Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy are reliable comedic actors, but they were really off their game when choosing to star in this flick. Lacking in a focus for the plot, failing in laughs and missing anything resembling logic, this is proof that star power can't make up for a films failings.
6. The Lone Ranger

The latest attempt from Disney to recreate the franchise success that Pirates of The Caribbean gave them results in a by the numbers piece of tedium which gives a whiny buffoon for the titular character, uses Johnny Depp more than necessary and has Helena Bonham Carter barely register in her two scenes. Just a shame Depp and Verbinski had to be babies and blame the critics.
Grown Ups 2 Poster.jpg
5. Grown Ups 2

It seems to be an annual tradition now for Adam Sandler to star in one of the years worst films, and this sequel to 2010's comedic black hole doesn't break away from that. Mistaking a mean spirited streak and poorly animated deers pissing for humor while giving just about every single character a subplot, maybe the next step in Sandlers career should be retirement.
The Smurfs 2 poster.jpg
4. The Smurfs 2

It takes a special kind of film to waste the talents of Brendan Gleeson and turn him into a duck, and this blue-balled sequel is that film. Perhaps it would be tolerable if actual work was put into the CG, if Hank Azaria bothered acting instead of chewing the scenery, if the characters even tried to be more than poor stereotypes, but sadly, it's none of those things. Once again Raja Gosnell, go Smurf yourself.
Sharknado poster.jpg
3. Sharknado

It should be no shocker that The Asylum would make such a moronic flick, but this one garnered more attention due to its ridiculous premise. Whats shocking is how critics praised this for achieving the complete opposite of its intentions, and how Jaws did better with effects 40 years earlier.

A Haunted House Poster.jpg2. A Haunted House

ScaryMovie5.jpgA parody film that regularly shows its ugly side, with casual racism, misogyny and homophobia being cheaply played for laughs, and even lowering themselves to a rape gag. It also stars Nick Swardson. Need I go on?

1. Scary Movie V

Containing nothing close to comedy, dated references and having stars well past their prime making cameo appearances, this is a lazy attempt not just at film, but at any form of entertainment. Never has an hour and a half felt so long.

Do you agree with my choices? Any films you think I should have added? Comment below


Unknown said…
All I have to say is Blork and I shall leave it there.
James Rodrigues said…
Very eloquently put, my friend :)